“We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Why do we do this?
This is our next step of action. We have accepted the truth about ourselves, our situation and our illness. We have exercised faith and handed our will and lives over to the care of our loving Creator. Now we’re going to clean house.
Cleaning house is essential if we are to grow spiritually, stay sober and get the full benefits of the 12 Step Programme. With God’s help, we are going to get free of the baggage we have been carrying, and the defects of character that have blocked us from the ‘sunlight of the Spirit’ – the fullness of God’s presence in our life. Once we have cleaned house, we can really get on with living as we were made to, and fill our life with good things at last.
Templates
Step 4 tips
Take your time
Thoroughness is key with Step 4. Many of us find it takes several sessions to remember everything that should go on our list.
How about setting aside 15 minutes a day for a week?
Be honest with yourself
How free do you want to be? Let that guide how honest you are in this step. The more burdens we get rid of now, the more free we will be to grow in God’s will and power.
Include your whole life
There may be certain periods of your life which come to mind most readily, but try to work through your whole life. Don’t forget childhood, adolescence and the stages of adult life.
Include every potential source of resentment
Consider the full range of people, situations, institutions and principles you’ve encountered. It’s OK if some seem more ‘abstract’ – if you’re carrying resentment towards it, it qualifies for the list.
Don’t be isolated
If your Step 4 process takes a long time, make sure you stay connected to all your usual sources of support. Check in regularly with your sponsor and other fellows. Keep attending meetings and scheduling social things.
Ask God
Before starting a Step 4 session, ask God to guide you. He knows you better than you do and He wants this to be a really fruitful process. As the Bible says, “God is greater than our hearts and He knows everything” 1 John 3:20
Don’t freak out
Doing Step 4 can be very hard work. Some of the things you list will be sources of serious pain and frustration for you. Looking over the list, you may feel embarrassed, disheartened and frustrated with ourselves. Don’t worry – that’s normal. If this wasn’t ‘bad stuff’ we wouldn’t need to be free of it. If it ever begins to get too much, ask another addict who’s done Step 4 – they’ll soon confirm that you’re not alone.
Lean on God’s love
Remember that God loves you more than you do. As addicts, most of us have turned our backs on God and we’ve either thought too highly or too low of ourselves. Now we’ve turned our will and lives over to His care, we can now learn to lay aside the warped thinking of our past. God already knows what you’re like and yet He still loves you. He says “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5
Prayer for Step 4 work
God, I want to be free of everything that has dragged me down and that blocks my relationship with you. I know it’s not going to be pleasant, but I am committed to doing this step honestly and thoroughly. Please be close.
Please show me the truth about myself. Help me stay away from thinking more of myself or less of myself than I should. I believe that you love me – please let me know it, see it, hear it and feel it as I work this step.
I am hopeful for a better future and a better me. Thank you that’s what you’ve promised to give me as I follow you.
Inspiration for Step 4
Encouragement from the Bible that inspired the pioneers of the 12 Step Programme…
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely…
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be..
[Psalms 139]
God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
[1 John 1:5-9]
“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”
[Jeremiah 29:11-14]
Common character defects we find
Check through this list every now and then as you work your Step 4. It may help you recall additional things that need to go on your list. It may also help you understand more about the cause of resentments you’ve already listed.
This is a list of ugly characteristics – but don’t be disheartened, these are all common aspects of our old selves, and nothing is too big for God to forgive and free us from.
- Anger
- Attention-seeking
- Dishonesty, eg…
- Not seeing or admitting where I was at fault
- Having a superior attitude – thinking I am better
- Blaming others for my problems
- Not admitting I’ve done the same thing
- Not expressing feelings or ideas
- Lying, cheating, stealing
- Hiding reality-not facing facts
- Stubbornly holding onto inaccurate beliefs
- Breaking rules
- Lying to myself
- Exaggerating, minimising
- Setting myself up to be wronged
- Expecting others to be what they are not
- Being a perfectionist
- Ego, eg…
- Grandiosity – thinking I’m better than others
- Self-pity
- Putting my needs before others
- Victim mentality – interpreting situations as about me when they’re not
- Taking offence or being resentful when I don’t get what I want
- Impatience – getting upset when I don’t get what I want quickly
- Envy
- False pride
- Fear of …
- People’s opinions
- Rejection, abandonment
- Loneliness
- Physical injury, abuse
- Not being able to control or change someone
- My inferiority / inadequacy
- Criticism
- Expressing fears and ideas
- Getting trapped
- Exposure, embarrassment
- Hate
- Impatience
- Intolerance
- Irresponsibility
- Isolation
- Jealousy
- People-pleasing
- Pride
- Resentment
- Self-condemnation
- Self-importance
- Self-justification
- Self-seeking, eg…
- Manipulating others to do my will
- Putting others down internally or externally to build me up
- Engaging in character assassination
- Acting superior
- Acting to fill a void
- Engaging in gluttony or lusting at the expense of another person
- Ignoring others’ needs
- Trying to control others
- Getting revenge when I don’t get what I want
- Holding a resentment
- Acting to make me feel good
- Self-pity
- Selfishness, eg…
- Not seeking others’ point of view
- Wanting things my way
- Wanting special treatment
- Wanting others to meet my needs — dependence
- Wanting what others have
- Wanting control — dominance
- Thinking I am better — grandiosity
- Wanting to be the best
- Thinking others are jealous
- Wanting others to like me
- Being miserly / possessive
- Wanting more than my share
- Reacting from self loathing / self righteousness
- Too concerned about me
- Not trying to be a good friend
- Wanting to look good or be liked
- Concerned only with my needs
- Unforgiveness